I cannot believe that it has been three years since you came into this world. I cannot believe that it has been three years that we have lived without you. I still remember that day like it was yesterday, and still so many things are so foggy I cannot put two and two together to complete the time line. They told me I could write a journal, both to remember and to help heal....I thought "how could I ever forget..." but time does make memories fade somewhat - or details a little less prominent. I wish I would have written the story accurately. But I just couldn't do it at that time, the pain was too immense, the emotions too raw, my heart too shattered to contemplate reliving it long enough to put pen to paper and make those memories concrete.
My daughter, on the other hand, poured her heart out onto paper, page after page, journal after journal....filled them up with thoughts and words and tears......that is how she was able to breath every day, turning one day into the next, continuing on without you.
I carried the scars on my heart - hate, anger, indifference - I crawled into the pit of despair and did not want to even try to climb out. Content to stay and lick my wounds, hide the pieces of my shattered heart away. Time is an amazing thing though, it goes on, as much as we refuse to participate. And things happen, the seasons change, the sun shines, the stars come out at night....one day turns into the next - people help you and hold your hand, and share their love with you. And one day isn't so bleak, and then another day I can smile when I think of you. Your memory brings me comfort not pain, that is how I know it will be ok.
And then one glorious day, you have a baby brother. You brought him to us safe and sound, to love and cherish. We make sure he knows that he has the most amazing brother, an angel brother in heaven's garden, watching out for him and smiling down on him every day of his life.
I miss you so much my dear James....I will see you one day, this I know for certain.
In loving memory of James Michael Bargmann, my first grandson, born an angel on October 23, 2006.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Rhinebeck
We came, we saw, we conquered! A proverbial wonderland of fiber and fiber related goodness. That is what awaited us in Rhinebeck at the New York State Sheep and Wool Festival. It was an overwhelming site of color, fiber art and people!
Now, to make things out of all the fiber I purchased!!!
Now, to make things out of all the fiber I purchased!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)